i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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