I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
