the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
