Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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