so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
