I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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