I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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