peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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