Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
