totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
