I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
