2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
