I'm so fucking centered right now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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