So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
