I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
