I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
