He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
where are you?
Hypothermia
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
