I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
