omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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