I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
