I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
