I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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