Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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