Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
