standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
