1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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