from now on my penis is your penis
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
