playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
