OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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