I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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