the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
oh god was she eating orange peels again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
