all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
