He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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