Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
