he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
