At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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