Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
