I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
