I wanna bring you to show and tell
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
