i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
