My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
