hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
