Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize