so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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