Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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