great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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