can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
