I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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