Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
