I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
