she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize