I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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