i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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