i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
