butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
