I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I bet he comes in French.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
