butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
