so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
