pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
