just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
