Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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