i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
