Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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