he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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